United States Navy Announces Relocation from San Diego to Los Angeles

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle) 01/13/2017 at 12:12 • Filed to: San Diego, Navy, Satire

14

26

The amphibious transport dock USS Duluth (LPD 6) returns to Naval Base San Diego after a 15-day underway period. (Wikimedia Commons)

Unable to secure funding from the City and County of San Diego, The United States Navy released a letter stating plans to relocate all operations to Los Angeles. In an all-employees meeting at 7:55 AM, announced with the sound of trumpets, Captain Roy Love, Commander of US Navy Base San Diego, explained the decision.

After much deliberation, I have made the decision to relocate the Navy to Los Angeles, beginning with the 2017-2018 fiscal year.

San Diego has been our home for 95 years. It will always be part of our identity, and my family and I have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for the support and passion our dependents have shared with us over the years.

But today, we turn the page and begin an exciting new era as the Navy Base Los Angeles

LA is a remarkable place, and while we played our first year there in 1943 and have had fans there ever since, our entire organization knows that we have a tremendous amount of work to do. We must earn the respect and support of LA Navy fans. We must get back to winning. And, we must make a meaningful contribution, not just on the water, but off the water as a leader and champion for the community.

The Navy is determined to fight for LA and we are excited to get started.

The Navy did not disclose where they would drop anchor in Los Angeles. Their former home, Long Beach Naval Yard, has long been developed for commercial shipping. Other sources have suggested the Navy will share facilities with the Air Force at Los Angeles AFB in El Segundo. Air Force fans were skeptical of the arrangement.

“We do missiles and satellites,” said one Air Force fan, “not ships. We’re not on the water, and don’t even have a runway. I don’t know where they expect to park a carrier here.”

“I’m not excited to see a bunch of swabbies in line at EBJ,” said another Air Force fan, referring to popular fast-casual restaurant El Burrito Jr. “This is an Air Force town; we don’t want the Navy here.”

Back in San Diego, Navy fans were depositing PT uniforms outside headquarters on Senn St., with some attempting to ignite the refuse.

$kaycog > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:15

1

Now that’s funny!

For Sweden > $kaycog 01/13/2017 at 12:16

3

Typical Air Force fan reaction -_-

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:17

2

is this a chargers thing?

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:17

2

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 01/13/2017 at 12:18

4

No it’s a Navy thing

Jcarr > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:19

1

Does this mean that the USS Iowa will be reactivated?

Chariotoflove > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:20

3

Why don’t they move to St. Louis? I hear there’s a vacancy there now, and the city would probably jump at the chance to attract another naval base.

ttyymmnn > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:20

5

This is good Kinja.

For Sweden > Jcarr 01/13/2017 at 12:21

1

Yes, as the mascot

Jcarr > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:22

1

Are they going to call it the Big Stick or the Grey Ghost?

For Sweden > Jcarr 01/13/2017 at 12:23

1

The Navy hasn’t released those details.

Toby F., Manager > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:25

0

I can only imagine what would happen to our local economy if the Navy/Military sector just left; as we are heavily dependent on sailors living here, have many DoD contractors, and would have large plots of properties of on and off-base abandoned.

Jcarr > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:25

3

Time for an FOIA.

Phatboyphil > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:27

0

As long as those damn sailors stay away from Fort Erwin!

*shakes fist at cloud

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:30

2

I was figuring they’d let Iowa throw a couple shells, er, passes in the playoffs.

BKosher84 > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:31

3

I won’t lie, you had me there for a second. Then I was like..

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:38

0

Huge owie for San Diego, I should think. But then maybe SD has some development plans...

DrJohannVegas > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:38

0

There are too many damn branches in Los Angeles.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 12:39

2

I guess San Diego is going to have to find something new to fill the docks.

For Sweden > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/13/2017 at 12:43

1

They’re not even halfway there, nor do they have a prayer. They won’t make it, I swear.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 13:00

0

Source/link? I can’t find anything on Google News when I search for [united states navy san diego los angeles]. EDIT: Never mind, saw the ‘satire’ tag.

For Sweden > Svart Smart, traded in his Smart 01/13/2017 at 13:01

7

Don’t bother. If it’s not on Oppo, it’s #fakenews

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 01/13/2017 at 13:09

0

(psst: sports joke)

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 01/13/2017 at 13:32

0

With underinflated pointy balls?

Jcarr > For Sweden 01/13/2017 at 13:43

2

Especially with the union on strike. They’re down on their luck.

McMike > Jcarr 01/14/2017 at 09:15

1

I think the Navy should hold on to what they’ve got. Doesn’t make a difference if they make it or not.